*PSA: I’m not a doctor, nor a licensed psychiatrist or mental health clinician that can prescribe medication. This article is written based on my own experience with medication. Before taking any medication for your mental health, please talk to your doctor to discuss potential side effects, dosage amount, and if medication may be the right step for you in your journey. Talking to your doctor about your symptoms and how you’re feeling can give them a better idea as to what medication is right for you.*
To start, this is probably the most important article I will ever write, mostly because it’s still so seldomly talked about. It causes us to share a very private part of our life with the surrounding world and it is normal to not feel comfortable talking about it.
To provide context, it was May 2021, I had just graduated college and my life was an utter mess. I felt behind because I was putting my dreams aside to get a job, pay my loans, and save money. I wasn't going to grad school and was planning on living at home for the next year. Everything just seemed mediocre.
As an anxious person, I want to have control over every piece of my life. Now that I wasn’t in college anymore, everything seemed bleak and unknown. Anything could happen at any point and I was terrified.
College during a pandemic brought a lot of stress, anxiety, and pain into my life, and as unknown as the world seemed, part of me was so relieved to be done with the s.
While in school, I spent a lot of time hiding my true emotions to please others and fit into this fake mold I put myself into. I tried so hard to be everyone’s friend that I completely lost my sense of self along with my core values. My emotions became so uncontrollable that I would be smiling one minute, and the next to be sobbing uncontrollably. I cried nearly every day. My boyfriend, mom, and friends from home became the bearers of my emotions, carrying my pain with them.
After years of struggling with anxiety, I never thought I would come to the point of needing medication. I always thought I’d get over it, it would get better, and that I was stronger without it. But at that moment in time, I knew I could no longer control my feelings on my own. I knew that my sadness and hopelessness for life could ruin the most important friendships and relationships in my life. Not to mention the physical toll it brought onto my body.
When I walked into my doctor’s office to ask to be put on medication, my sweet doctor said straight out "you are not like yourself". I am someone who is normally characterized as cheerful, bubbly, and kind. For two years I put this mask on for others to try and deny how awful the state of my mental health was. I sat in the doctor’s office pale and exhausted with dark circles and welled tears, completely desperate for anything to change my life. After dealing with the ups and downs of anxiety all my life, I finally surrendered and asked to have medication, I couldn’t continue my life like this without help anymore.
A couple of days later, I began taking Prozac (also known as Fluoxetine). After learning of the side effects of medication in my Psychology classes, I was so scared of how it may change my body. The doctor told me it could take 6-8 weeks to see a big change, but that I may start to feel better even after a few days.
As time went on, my rollercoaster emotions began to plateau. Usually, when the smallest thing went wrong, I would easily cry and dwell over it. After medication, I found myself becoming more emotionally sound, and I was able to problem-solve more often, with less stress attached. Rather than resorting to tears, I was able to speak up more often, and troubleshoot.
I began caring more about myself and became interested in learning more about myself. I wanted to find new interests, determine my self-values, make plans to travel, and genuinely wanted to better myself through new habits and routines. Each day I would wake up feeling more relaxed, recharged, and energized. I felt ready to attack the day, and go outside, and make my bed. Most importantly, however, I finally understood how to find true happiness with myself again, without needing a party or someone else to find it for me.
Aside from the emotional changes, this medicine has nearly erased ALL of my physical symptoms attached to my anxiety. My chest pains, twitchy eyes, and nail-biting became less frequent, and now, hardly exist. Pit feelings and stomaches became rare (unless I’m getting a shot), and it was refreshing to feel this way again. Did I begin to function more? normally? How is this possible?
For so many years I believed I was trapped in this prison I called my mind. In early May, there seemed to be no way out, no light, just hopelessness. Now after being on it for a while, I am kicking myself for not doing it sooner. This medication reminded me of my worth, reminded me of my purpose, and told me I was enough as I was. This medication fuels me to continue writing articles like this and share my experience with the world because I know there are people out there who are on the fence about going on medication and are unsure of its effects.
This medicine changed my life because I finally began to care about myself. I began understanding what I needed and what I wanted, I began taking time to find out my passions and how I want to help people. I began to do more things to build my character and learn more about myself.
Like I said earlier, everyone has their own experience and journey and I do not want to take a "one size fits all approach". I recommend doing your research, definitely talking to your doctor, and finding out which mental health remedies could be best for you. I wanted to share my perspective because this topic is still something that is so seldomly talked about, and I wanted to be the voice that maybe some needed to hear or to be that extra push to ask for help and reach out.
I still have my "bad anxiety days" where I'm full of emotion and worry. However, they are much less frequent than before. I have noticed a tremendous difference in my behavior and perspective on life itself and I am so thankful to my Mom, who pushed me to seek the help I so desperately needed yet wasn't willing to admit.
If you have questions or want additional info on how antidepressants can benefit you, please call your doctor, talk to a friend, loved one, or partner and seek guidance. If you'd like to hear more about my story, please subscribe and send a message below. I am here for you.
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