For some of us, prioritizing our own needs can be a struggle. Whether you're caring for a family member or friend, focusing on tasks to finish for school or work, or busy with volunteering/ other time commitments, giving ourselves time to recharge and relax is usually placed on the back-burner.
However, if we don't take the time to prioritize ourselves, we risk a higher chance of physical and emotional burnout, less productivity, and increased worry.
I find that people-pleasers struggle with this the most. You are the first to step up to aid the person next to you yet simultaneously push your needs aside. Though it is a beautiful trait to be empathetic and help those around you, you shouldn't have to sacrifice the care for yourself in the process.
People-pleasing is a hard habit to break. Add some anxiety in there, and it may make it that much harder. As someone who thinks of themselves as very empathetic, I allowed others to control my life. Often, I would prioritize helping someone rather than prioritizing my time to recharge or get my responsibilities completed.
So how do we break this cycle and continue to help others while also serving ourselves? The first step to do is start small. Smaller steps to implement within our daily routines help the most. More minor changes make it easier for us to follow through with and are more sustainable day today.
TIPS TO PRIORITIZE YOURSELF AT HOME, WORK,& SCHOOL
1. Think Empathetically
You may cry from sad movies or a heartfelt video you watched on social media. You may also get tight pings within your chest after a close friend opens up to you about something difficult. Many of us have empathetic spirits, where we can immerse ourselves within the happy and sad times of another.
Just as you have that empathetic spirit with others, I ask you to translate that same spirit within yourself.
If you're a people pleaser and need a more straightforward tactic, imagine that your struggles came from the mouth of a close loved one rather than yourself. How would you react? What would you say to them? Lastly, would you want them to feel upset or drained? Map out a mental image or write down what you might say to your loved one, and take action. What you say to another who is struggling should be the same thing you say to yourself. In short, listen to your advice.
2. Do something you fear every single day.
This is one of the most significant pieces of advice I could give. Is there something that continually holds you back from being your authentic self? Are there certain parts of the conversation, work/school responsibilities, or social situations you avoid due to your anxiety?
Bring to mind some situations that incite fear. Some of my fears include making decisions or being too boastful/pesky in social and professional situations.
In small baby steps, trying to conquer one of these things each day. For example, my boyfriend and I are trying to decide whether to go out or stay in to make dinner. Indecisive me would analyze the two options, stick with the "I don't care, it's up to you!" response. In reality, I want to stay home and make food to save some money.
In my typical anxious fashion, I'd refrain from deciding to avoid choosing something no one liked or going against what the group wanted.
To break this perpetual habit, I have to take a step outside my norm.
In this case, I could say, "I think it would be a good idea to stay here and eat dinner at the house tonight to save money; what do you think?". Though difficult, it allows me to share my feelings and remind myself that I can speak my truth in a way that wouldn't be offensive or destroy the other person's feelings if they felt differently.
3. Be consistent and follow through with your boundary setting.
If you're a people pleaser, you may tend to say "yes" to many things. On the one hand, saying yes can introduce you to new experiences and a learning opportunity. On the other hand, saying yes to everything is the quickest way to burn out. Boundaries are valuable tools we can implement to make time for ourselves and prevent exhaustion and lack of energy for the days ahead.
To start easy, start by putting a boundary on your phone. For example, every night at 9:30, I will put my phone on do not disturb, and allow myself to unwind before going to bed.
As you move forward, it is okay to place boundaries to adhere to your physical, social, and emotional bandwidth. Were you invited to a get-together after work, but work has been leaving you strung out? It may be time to consider how you're feeling and ask the friend for a rain check.
Did you end your workday at five but get an email at seven from a coworker? Rather than going back and working late, write down the task on your to-do list to get it completed the next day.
After creating a boundary, it's important to be consistent with it and follow through. Making the choice to implement them each time ensures that they will get established within your routine.
4. Setting Aside busy time
I wanted to emphasize this point because many people feel burned out because they loop themselves into too many tasks. They are joining 100 meetings a day. They move from work to hanging out with their friends, making dinner, or going to a second job or night class. With schedules piling up now that COVID restrictions are being lifted, finding the free time or productivity time can be difficult.
At work, block off a section of time each week to focus on what needs to be completed. Starting with the most time-sensitive tasks and ending. Within this section of time, go through your email inbox to sort through upcoming meetings, projects, or messages that need your attention. When working on tasks, start with the most challenging/longest to get it out of the way. The same thing goes for homework if you are still in school.
Blocking off a section of time in your calendar can allow you to be productive and help you prioritize what assignments need to come first. Further, it may help prevent a long workday and working after hours.
If you have a lunch hour, or gaps between classes, I suggest doing a relaxation activity to give your brain a break. Grab a coffee, take a quick walk outside, or even do a desk meditation. A fast and simple 20-minute activity can help you recharge and give you more energy for the latter half of the day.
Aside from work and school time, I recommend setting aside at least one day of the week to be a "just for me" day. School and work are commitments that you can't miss, but they don't take up the entire day! During the just for me day, focus on doing things you enjoy. Spend time on your passion projects, go outside, watch a tv show or listen to a podcast. Think of the activities that help you after a stressful day, and engage in them!
Focusing time on your hobbies outside of work/school and social relationships helps build independence and helps create this vision of yourself that's empowering and exciting, all while helping you unwind.
5. Creation over purpose
An Instagram post I came across emphasized creating your best self rather than finding your best self, and I couldn't agree more. We humans are so eager to find out the meaning of our lives. We get impatient when our dreams and aspirations take a halt. We are constantly searching for epiphanies and signs that we are on the right track, comparing ourselves to others who have it "so much better than us."
However, let's take the term purpose and flip it to creation.
What if the classes you're taking are creating this side of you that loves to learn? What if taking those pottery classes after work is creating this artistic character quality within you?
If we were to look at all these life experiences you have had up until this point, there are so many creation points. We consider traits, strengths, lessons, and memories, all while never discounting the positive attributes and experiences you've had prior.
Further, looking at self-creation could bring additional
bouts of motivation, learning, and peace to our lives.
Rather than being in the pursuit of life's purpose, I urge you to frame your self prioritization journey as the process of creating the best version of you.
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