Do you consider yourself to be a people pleaser? Do you find it hard to say "no" to someone or something? Do you adapt your immediate needs and values to accommodate someone else? If so, learning how to set proper, comfortable boundaries may help your journey to place your emotions and yourself first.
Setting solid boundaries both physically and emotionally is the foundation to creating a healthy relationship. Voicing your personal needs can help increase self-esteem and have been found to reduce feelings of Anxiety, Depression, and overall stress.
What are Boundaries?
Physical boundaries encompass your body, personal privacy, and individual personal space. Examples of the invasion of personal boundaries include standing too close to someone in line, having someone look through your texts or social media feed, or even an invasive touch. Anything that makes you uncomfortable surrounding your own person and space could be a violation of a personal boundary.
Emotional boundaries surround the distinction between your feelings and someone else's. Examples include feeling at fault or taking the blame for someone's emotions, allowing feelings of another to determine how you feel, setting aside your needs to serve others, and blaming others for causing your problems.
Why are boundaries important? Aside from the obvious necessity of personal safety, boundaries help us protect our self-identity and self-concepts. They allow us to form our own choices and serve as a shield of protection. Further, they help us to develop our feelings, values, and needs when forming relationships. However, setting and maintaining consistent boundaries may be easier said than done, and there can be occurrences when even we aren't sure if a boundary is being crossed.
I Think a Boundary is Being Crossed. What Should I do?
The first step in determining when a boundary may need to be set is to be mindful of how you feel. According to Stephanie Camins of Road to Growth Counseling, feelings such as "resentment, stress, guilt, fear, anxiety, or discomfort " can serve as warning signs to show that you may be taken for granted or feeling unappreciated.
Ask yourself questions. Are there certain individuals (or scenarios) that trigger those warning feelings? Do you find it incapable of making your own choices? Are you unable to ask for what your need? Do you feel judged? Do you feel you at fault for their disappointment? Do you feel on-edge, wary, or stressed when you are around them?
How can I Implement Boundary Setting into my Life?
Start small. If you're a "yes" person or people-pleaser, it may be beneficial to start small when setting boundaries. If it helps, try some non-intimidating and successful boundary-setting conversations before proceeding to more challenging ones. For example, your boss at work asks you to take on a project, but you don't have time for it, and you say, "I wish I could, but I don't have the current bandwidth to take on this additional project."
Know your limits. Don't overcommit. Say no. This especially goes for work, school, and personal relationships. Take some time to think or write out your personal bandwidth. Analyze what you currently have at hand and how you may feel if you take on another responsibility. Overcommitting can bring additional stress and anxiety into our lives and can blur boundary-crossing even further. Remind yourself it is okay to say no. No can be seen as something negatively charged; however, if overcommitment infringes on your happiness and causes discomfort, fear, and pain, saying "no" may be long overdue.
Remind Remind Remind. Whether you say it to yourself or write it down in a journal, remember that you are not in charge of another person's feelings. You are in charge of how you feel, what you decide, and what you need. Setting boundaries will allow you to grow within your emotional health and give the love and strength to be transparent within your relationships.
Repeat if needed. Did you set a boundary and get backlash or hostility? Repeat and remain firm in your beliefs. It may be uncomfortable to stand your ground initially and vocalize your needs, but the longer you remain firm, the easier it will get. Repeating your boundary can help others understand what you need from them. If backlash, ignorance, and violation of your boundaries continue, it may be time to re-evaluate if this relationship is worth continuing.
If Boundaries are not Created
If boundaries are not properly set. The following events may arise.
People may find the opportunity to decide your feelings and values.
Standing and speaking up for yourself becomes harder to complete.
A decline in self-esteem and self-confidence.
Loss of individuation and identity.
One Last Reminder
It is not a crime to listen to what your needs, schedule, and emotions are telling you. Boundary setting can be challenging to start, but small steps go a long way. The more action you take in prioritizing what you need, the more confident you will feel within yourself and the healthier your relationships become.
Information used in this articled is sourced from https://roadtogrowthcounseling.com/importance-boundaries-relationships/
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